I think the point is, That mom's coming.
This is a special... Thanksgiving...
So i thought It would be important
That i cook.
That's the Whole idea, ben,
It's that mom is coming.
This is heroic Of you.
But i just want you To be relaxed,
To enjoy the visit.
Because this is a Wonderful opportunity
For you and roz To catch up.
Who's roz ?
Your mother.
See what I mean ?
For instance, You can exchange names.
Yeah, that'd Be nice.
Her name is roz ?
Man, i just hope we don't Hug and cry all night.
No, that's not Gonna happen.
Plus, there's nothing To be nervous about...
After all, she's...
The fruit of Your loins, so...
you're the Fruit of my loins !
No, mom is the Fruit of your loins.
No, mom took an Interest in my loins,
We made fruit-- you.
Oh, you mean, The child is the fruit ?
That's right !
You said it, not me !
Wow... So, i'm The fruit of your loins.
Do you want a t-shirt That says that ?
Ha, ha, ha !
With an arrow ?
Ha, ha, ha !
Loins...
What are loins, By the way ?
Loins are those big Scary things in the zoo.
Oh no, those Are lions, i'm sorry.
Loins are...
Think of a Loin cloth, dad.
Right.
And go north...
Oh boy !
You know what I'm talking about.
That's my Belly button.
Yup, that's where I came out of.
If it was only Those simple...
How was my birth, dad, Do you remember ?
Ah, i didn't feel a thing.
How long was Your labor ?
Your mother Was in labor For 32 hours,
I was faithful to her The entire time.
Hey, dad ?
Yes ?
Shut up.
Okay.
...I'm just wondering
What your plans are For thanksgiving, Because uh...
Oh, nothing special.
But you're joining your family For thanksgiving dinner, or...
No, i'm just gonna Stay home.
They're coming over ?
No, no, i'm just gonna... Watch a movie, maybe...Okay ?
No, that's fine with me, Doesn't seem like a thanksgiving
Unless there's... Family and Turkey involved...
Alright, thank you ! I didn't know that.
Okay... Guess who's making Thanksgiving dinner in my home ?
I don't know.
Ben ! Ben is cooking a Gourmet thanksgiving dinner.
No, he's not. From scratch.
I've never seen the guy So focused in my entire life.
He's really so excited,
He's making dinner For me, and for--
He's allowed to Use the stove ?
That's a good point...
Let me make a call, Hold on one second.
What's the matter With your eye ?
What do you think is The matter with it ?
The one eye is Looking at me,
The other one is Looking like a cow.
I just was Being distracted by--
How can you look Straight with one eye
And one over Like that ?
You wanna Take a nap ?
No, i'm not tired.
I'm just in a Very pensive mood.
You know What i think ?
If i'm paying For therapy,
I dunno, Maybe it's me,
But could you get a little "up" For the session, doc ?
Am i asking Too much
That maybe You at least...
Pay attention ?
See, that's where You're wrong, dom.
Me paying Attention
Is precisely what You don't need.
Never mind.
Never mind ?
When does it become, that we're Friends in this thing ?
If that's what brings you Back here every week--
Who's your favorite Client, seriously ?
I mean like, do you Hang out with anybody ?
I don't play favorites, As a therapist.
When i took the Hypocratic oath
As a medical Professional,
I was taking on An unbiased position--
So you're A physician too ?
I didn't know that You're a medical doctor.
Dom, we go through this On a regular basis.
Doc ?
Yes.
When you pee...
Chunks are not supposed To come out, right ?
No.
Look at this...
Did you ever see A mole like that ?
Yeah.
Just a thought, laura...
What ?
How would you like To join me and ben
For thanksgiving dinner ?
Umm... I...
And guess who else Is gonna be there ?
Who ?
Ben's mom, roz, Is coming to town
For thanksgiving.
Really ? Yes !
And i'd be thrilled, And i'm sure ben would be,
If you'd Like to join us.
Why is your Ex-wife coming ?
I thought you Didn't get along.
We don't, but She's ben's mother
And we invited her And here she is.
It's gonna be like, Crazy awkward, right ?
Yeah, it's gonna be A little uncomfortable
But i think--
Should i Bring anything ?
Uh, no, i think We've got it covered.
So, you're doing Nothing for thanksgiving ?
I'm not Doing nothing...
I've got one of those Ortega taco kits.
Yeah, oh Those are fun, yeah.
So i'll be Doing that.
I'm probably gonna go To www.Thankful.Com
And just kick back.
I haven't Been there yet.
You e-mail other people Who have nothing to do
On thanksgiving.
Wow-wow !
So i'd be doing that.
Anyway, i'm Cooking this year,
It's gonna be a Full-boat turkey dinner...
Oh my god !
All the Fixins. I love the fixins.
Yeah, i did the Mashed potatoes...
Oh my god ! Or i'm gonna do...
So, are a bunch Of people coming over ?
It's gonna be Pretty small. Yeah ?
But there's gonna be Enough food for 20.
Really ?
I feel like i'm About to accept...
But you Didn't really...
I'd love to come over, I mean that would be...
Yeah, no.
No, you Can't come.
Did you say "no" ?
Yes, i said no. Are you serious ?
Because... This is sort of A "family only" deal
And you seem like A nice guy, but...
I'm a very nice guy.
Who knows what you're like Out of the video store ?
I think you're Joking with me, right ?
No, no-no.
So, you're telling me How you made food for 20.
You got like 4 people.
It is ironic.
It's just mean, I dunno if it's ironic.
I guess that's true...
I can't invite you, i wish You had some self-respect
And would stop Inviting yourself
To my house For thanksgiving
Because... It's embarrassing.
Well, you set me up, You know you set me up.
Man, but it is Gonna be good, though.
So you're Doing it again ?
No, i'm not I'm just saying--
You just had to say, "Oh, it's gonna be good".
Do you like turkey ?
I love turkey !
Oh man, i'm sorry.
I got a big turkey.
How many pounds ?
It's probably Gotta be 150 to 170...
Oh my god, your Card just expired.
Doc, i think that You have things
That maybe it would help you To talk to me about.
I've known you A long time now...
Uh-huh.
And i don't think You're improving.
What hurts ? What hurts you, doc ?
Talk to me.
Well, dom, this is not A productive line
For us to Pursue right now,
But, i am going to see you 3 more times this week,
So, can we Come back to this ?
What's the matter, Dr. Katz ?
Can't look In the mirror ?
Huh ?
Take a look at this mirror, Dr. Katz, what do you see ?
That's not a mirror, Dom, that's you.
You see What i'm saying ?
Oh my god.
That's right.
Can you... ?
Yeah ?
Can you get me Something to eat, i'm hungry.
I think i have Low blood sugar, doc.
Hold on One second, dom.
Hey, laura, Can you bring in...
There's some uh... Those wafers in the drawer,
Can you bring in Some for dom ?
Are they dietetic ?
Hold on one second, laura.
Do you want Dietetic ?
Well, i...I, I don't have diabetes
But i think I'm dietetic.
What does that Mean exactly ?
I think that It means, that um...
I have some kind of A diet tetic-ness to myself,
Like a diet--
I think I'm a dietitian.
What i wanted To tell you was
Guess who's joining us For thanksgiving dinner ?
Mom.
That's correct.
Goodbye !
Guess who else Is joining us ?
Are you sitting down ?
Don't tell me I have a brother.
Laura.
I invited laura To join us,
And she accepted My invitation.
Dad, you invited laura ?
Yes !
Why did you Invite laura ?
Thanksgiving is a Family thing not--
She has no plans, It is a family night...
Well doesn't she Have a family ?
She does Have a family,
But she chose not to Spend it with them.
Well, dad, this kinda Puts a crimp in...
I gotta cook An extra turkey...
Why would you need to Get another turkey, ben ?
You don't have to Get another turkey,
You just have To set another place.
But it's a Turkey a person--
You don't need one turkey For every person...
No, dad, i know that, I was kidding.
Oh ? Right.
I just don't think It's a good idea.
I thought it's was tenuous Already with mom coming and...
I actually think...
It might make Mom nervous...
I actually think that Having another person
Will take some of The pressure off of us.
Yeah, but not laura.
Good point.
Laura puts a lot of Pressure back on.
I think in a Social situation,
Laura can really Rise to the occasion.
Remember when we went to The club with her that night ?
Will she wear That dress again ?
I can ask.
Alright, She's invited.
( Snickering )
Hey, did you see The meat thermometer
That i left on The table for you ?
Umm... That's a Meat thermometer ?
Well, guess what ?
What ?
I don't Have a fever.
( Both chuckling )
I'm 98.6, my friend, Steady as she goes.
Are you old enough To remember
The cranberry scare Of the '50s, stanley ?
Yeah.
What are you Talking about ?
The poisonous Cranberry scare.
It was the insecticides they Were spraying the crop with.
So for two years
It was considered unsafe To eat cranberry sauce.
Yeah.
Those are such Dark years for me.
It's also happened to coincide To my parents being subpoenaed
By the house un-american Activities committee.
But i think it was the cranberry Scare that stayed with me.
Did they have to testify ?
Yes, they did.
How old were you When this happened, 10 ?
I think maybe I was 9.
That's pretty young.
That must've been Incredibly frightening.
Well, it was Frightening, but
It was my decision To turn them in.
Ha, ha, ha !
You gotta do What you gotta do.
So, ben, sweetie, how long have You and laura been together ?
Laura and i ?
Yeah.
Laura and i ?
Yeah ! I mean...
Well, it's been... Sometime now.
Because you guys are So cute together.
Did you just meet Through your father,
Because she's Working for you
Or the other Way around ?
It happened so quickly, I barely remember the details.
So, you asked her out, Where did you go ?
I love these Kind of stories.
We just immediately Made love...
Well i don't...
No, it just happened very fast, It was sort of a whirlwind.
Still is.
You guys Go out a lot or... ?
Every chance we get...
We spend a lot of Time together.
We do all the Typical things
That most people In relationships do.
Like ?
Tandem bikes, In the park, umm...
I took her once To the uh...
Where is she, By the way ?
She's probably In the kitchen...
Doing something cute...
She's funny when she Wakes up in the morning,
The cutest little face Like a cat...
Hi, laura !
Hey !
Hey, laura.
Why are you Touching me ?
Ben was just telling me How you two got together--
( Babbling )
He was just telling us About how you guys met--
Mom ! Mom ! Let's sing the old song !
No, why should You be embarrassed ?
He was just saying How you guys were--
Who guys ?
We should really Celebrate this Great holiday--
I understand that you guys Like to picnic and stuff.
( Ben laughing nervously )
Let's eat !
A mother wants To know about--
This is silly, We should all split up !
Hey, laura, why don't you Just... Tell roz
What it is that you do.
What i do ?
Yeah, just describe Your job to her.
I think she would Find that interesting.
Okay.
Umm...Well, I get there... And then umm--
( Ben ) How are you guys Getting along ?
Ben, i think it's Going okay so far !
Alright, Keep it going !
It's going good in here !
How are you Doing, laura ?
Fine.
Whooooo !
Where did you Get that blouse ?
That's very cute.
Oh, really, You like it ?
Very much.
And it's very Becoming on you.
I just got it At the thrift store.
You just have to Have an eye
And then you can Find the best stuff.
It's very cute... Very cute.
Thank you.
Owwww !! Owww, god !!
Ben, what's wrong !
Nothing !
It's going Okay in here !
Yeah, i got it !
They're just Talking girl talk.
Ahhh... I love it !
Is that your Color hair ?
'Cause i love that...
Well, it's mine now.
Where do you go ?
'Cause i'd Like to... ?
I do it Myself.
You do ?
By the way, I don't exist.
I could do yours, It's easy.
( Beeping ) Fire in the hole !
Ummm...
Oh my god !!
It's alright !
Everything is Okay in here, dad !
Yeah, it's Good here too !
Jesus ( bleep ) !!!
Holy ( bleep ) !
Did you say Dinner's being served ?
What the ( bleep ) !!
Everything's alright !
Ohh my gawwwwwd !
Ben is so dramatic When he cooks.
Just let us know When dinner's ready.
So, uh... We have One american chop suey
Up for grabs... Very good.
Sweet and sour chicken That's always good.
It always seemed like A contradiction to me.
Beef stroganoff, That's a recipe from europe.
That sounds dirty.
Yeah.
Eggplant parmesan...
Who would'a thought That combination would work ?
It does.
And uh... Veal piccata.
So, any of those Are up for grabs...
Who wants what ?
I think we should Ask your mother first,
Because she's our Guest of honor.
Yeah, mom, What would you like ?
The veal Sounds good.
Excellent choice.
Laura ?
I think i'll have The veal too.
We're out of the veal.
Ohh.
Umm...
How about the eggplant, You like eggplant ?
Not really.
Too bad, You're having eggplant.
Dad, what do you want ?
We've now 86'ed Veal and eggplant.
I'm gonna have the Sweet and sour chicken.
That's a good choice... But choose again,
'Cause i'm gonna have The sweet and sour chicken.
What's available right now is Uh... American chop suey.
Do ya' have to have that American style ?
Do you have Any cereal ?
Ben, i don't Think our guest
Should be eating The booby prize--
I do have cereal, What would you like ?
Do you Have "life" ?
I don't have "life".
Do you have Any kind of o's ?
I have cheerios And frosted cheerios.
What kind of milk Do you have ?
Skim, whole, heavy cream, Whatever you want.
Whole, please.
So, you want cereal With whole milk ?
Yes.
Anything On the side ?
Sliced banana in that ?
Parmesan ?
I'll tell You something,
I'm glad i took it Out of the pouch,
Because this is Dee-licious !
Dad, don't make fun.
I tried and... I want to Apologize to laura too...
I mean...
No, this is fine.
Yeah ?
It's great.
It's o-licious.
I think this evening Was a big success.
Yeah.
I think the evening Is a big success.
Are you lying ?
Yeah.
Why, because I said it twice ?
I just can tell.
By the winking ?
Will somebody please Pour me some more wine ?
The bathroom is the Second door on the left !
That's my bedroom.
First door On the left !
This is going well Though, i think.
So far so good, i think.
The fact that she's able to Use the bathroom in our home...
Indicates a level Of comfort that...
Why did she take Her plate with her ?
I don't know.
Do you remember what I used to say to you
Before we'd Make love ?
No.
"Thank you in advance For your cooperation."
Ha, ha, ha !
Alright, you see, I'm laughing !
You say I never laugh !
Look !
And you don't Notice when i do,
You only notice When i don't.
There's no reward With you.
There's simply Non-punishment.
Dogs are Trained better.
Go ahead, honey...
I just...
I'm sorry, it was A lovely dinner,
He's a lovely boy, He did a lovely job.
I'm sorry i went away.
There's nothing I could even say.
But you saw I ate everything Which was not easy.
Yeah.
There really seemed To be a lot of tension
Between your Mother and father.
Yeah ?
I kinda enjoyed it.
Yeah, i bet.
You seem to enjoy When people are in...
I just like people !
It's always such a nightmare For you to have to listen to me
After you listen To people all day.
Yeah.
I mean, that was finally Our big problem. No ?
I think it Was a problem,
I don't think It was a big problem.
Well, it was In the top 5...
It was a problem For you, no ?
You wanted to Put me on lithium.
Well, you wouldn't Take helium.
Ha ! Ha ! Ha !
Actually i'm on Depakote now.
That's a "dirty drug", you Know what i mean by that ?
It's an old drug And it--
Lithium is a dirty drug, Depakote is a new version...
I'm surprised that I know this more than you ...
Depakote is now...
* Depakote...
Is like Second generation...
Well, there's tegretol-- I take that too.
Yeah.
And there's serzone, I take that.
You're not dropping names Are you, roz ?
And then there's one that I can never remember,
But it's a hormone, That does the same thing.
Man, that beef stroganoff is Starting to sit a little heavy.
I'm going to...
Run to the john.
( Strums guitar )
* Roz...
Umm, dad ?
* Go back to oz...
* Go be you, roz
Where ?
* In oz
That's a song i wrote Called "go be roz in oz".
It's beautiful, You're almost like A musical genius.
Ben, you're Much too kind.
( Up-tempo strumming )
What's this ?
Just a little thanksgiving Thing i'm working on.
Will you help Me out here ?
* Gratitude...
You go "Gratitude."
* Don't give me No attitude *
Would you ?
Where's the Thanksgiving part ?
* All i want is Gratitude tonight *
'Cause that's what Thanksgiving's about.
It's about gratitude ?
That's kind of A stretch, dad ?
Maybe if you said instead of "Tonight", if you said
* On thanksgiving day...
* Gratitude on Thanksgiving day *
I think that's Heavy-handed.
Yeah, that's what they Call some plymouth rock,
Ladies and gentlemen !
When we come back...
You know what i'm happy about- You are going to, clearly-
Have a relationship With your mother as an adult.
Yeah, i ...
It was fun for me to see The two of you guys
Talking to each other As adults.
It wasn't as fun as I thought it was gonna be.
But i think that's True about everything.
I think that maybe we need To spend more holidays together,
We can get back to What we had early on.
Hey, why don't you plan on Spending this coming Mother's day with her ?
Nah.
Okay.
But, tomorrow, dad,
Tomorrow what i'm gonna do, Is cook a turkey.
And serve it up just To you and me... Alone.
Guess what, I like that idea...
Of actually Having a...
Why does thanksgiving Have to be only one night A year ?
Certainly wasn't the Intention of the pilgrims.
People don't Realize that it was
Thanksgiving every night For those people.
They came to play.
Yeah.
1, 2, 3, 4...
* Gratitude... Don't give me no attitude *
* Gratitude, attitude, Gratitude... *
It's when you try To have a theme song
For your Own family
That you're heading down The road to hell.
That's our family's Theme song ?
Tonight it is.
You know what it is Tomorrow night--
* When israel Was in egypt land... *
* Let my people go * Let my people go
* Go down
* Moses...
* Way down in Egypt land * * Way down in Egypt land *
But for now it's-
* Gratitude, don't Give me no attitude... *
* Gratitude, Gratitude tonight *
( Both: kazoo-like humming ) * Rappa pada-pada Rappa pada... *
* Rappa pada
* Rappa pada daaa... *
Wish i had A kazoo !
Somebody has a birthday Coming up soon !